Friendship

This blog has been inactive for quite some time. Matter of fact I had completely forgotten about it till i started reading some other blogs and stumbled across mine. So I figured, why not use it.. it's still there. Maybe it will give me a way of getting out what's on my chest. Daddy says I'm a good writer. But all I'm doing really is writing what's going on in my brain. 

So i thought my first post would be about friends and friendship...or in my case the lack there of....  

It seems that for me, making and keeping friends seems to be impossible. I will make friends with someone but it seems as if after a few weeks they move on.

This seems to be especially true in the online world. You "meet" people in chat rooms or on places like Facebook. For a while they're your friends. You chat every time you are online. You gravitate towards the same groups. 

But it seems like when all the "newness" wears off or you find other interests or what have you, then the friends you have made disappear. They all have their own lives, their own interests...it just doesn't include you anymore.

The best example of this that i can think of is to think back to when you were a teenager. I remember how when my girlfriends would have a new boyfriend no one would hear from them. It was like they dropped off the face of the earth. But as soon as problems would arise in the relationship or they'd break up..it's always the BFF's to the rescue.

I see this in the "real world" as well. There are gals i have known for the last 30 years..we went to high school together, we live only a few miles from each other. And yet we never hang out, we never talk. They are busy with their own lives, their own families. 

Maybe it's just a girl thing. Daddy has a bunch of friends that he's known since childhood. They all grew up in the same neighborhood, got into trouble together, drank together, partied together...and now they're middle aged men with families. They don't hang out a lot but still keep in touch. Sometimes they'll get together for a summer bar-be-cue or the wifes' birthday or the kids' graduation. And they're just a phone call away if they need help with anything. 

And so brings me to my quandary. i can never seem to make friends and if i manage to make some, i can't seem to keep them. It's very lonely when you don't have gal pals to chat with or hang out with. There's a gal who lives upstairs from me. We have become sorta friends. But it seems like i only hear from her when she wants something. I can't blame her, really. She has 3 small children running around. I remember when my kids were little like that..i was lucky if i had time to go to the bathroom. 

I created a page on Facebook (aside from my "public" profile) but hardly anyone looks at it. I only started it, really, as a way that i could post pics and comments that i didn't want on my public page and stuff i wanted Daddy to see but couldn't post publicly on his wall. It's disheartening, in a way, to see that there really isn't any interest in it. Maybe i'll rename it and try something different. Maybe it's just that the page is more of the same of what's out there. It's worth trying. Maybe I'll do that before I go to bed. 

Maybe it's the lack of anti-depressants that's making me feel this way. Maybe i'm just tired. I dunno. Each day is a crap shoot as to how I will feel. 

And so i will slog on.... tomorrow is another day.....