It's been a year already......

Woke up not long ago. Wanted to cry. Knew what day it was. Been wanting to cry ever since. Had to take something to calm me so I can get through the day, or at least the morning. Hurts just as much now as the day he died. Can't believe it's been a year already.

Texted my love when I woke up. Was hoping to get something back. He knows I'm scared. I know he said he would contact me sometime today. But a simple "morning" would have been reassuring. (That's what I sent him.)

I wish it weren't so early. I'd love to get dressed and get out of here. I'm restless, which is was usually happens when I am nervous. It's crappy out. Going to rain again. Was hoping to go down to the docks, soak up a little sunshine, and think about them both. Like my friend told me, think of him not with sadness but with loving memories.. which there are alot.

Why can't I catch a break with my life? Just once have something good happen. Just once.