This whole thing with Bob and I makes me wonder. All over the internet he is goes by "Mike" which is his dead twin brothers' name.
He tells me he does not have the strength to sit in front of a computer to send me an email yet he can spend 3 days at a poker table in Atlantic City.
He does not call me anymore. It is strictly text messages. And he hardly even does that any more. He tells me to keep loving him, that he loves me and cares about me... yet this is the way he shows is... by lying to me?!?!???!
It seems as if my whole life is falling apart before me and i am helpless to do anything about it. My husband disappears for hours at a time with no word of where he is going. If he does tell me its some bs story. My nerves are on edge.
I quit my job so that's adding more stress to the situation. I'm going to be forced to go back to my old job. It seems I can't escape no matter what I do. I can't escape any part of my life. I am helpless to change anything in my life. I am just a puppet for everyone else. I can't stand this anymore.
I take Xanax a lot to try to take the edge off. I can't keep living on medications to get through my life. And speaking of which, I'm just about out of everything that I take and no money to get anything refilled.
I've had a head cold which is killing me but i don't want to ask for anything because i know we don't have the money. I had a melanoma (skin cancer) patch removed from my foot last week. I could have used some ibuprofen for the pain but didn't ask for that either. Figured i would just deal with it. So now I have to wait for those results as well. 3 more days. If i don't hear anything then i know everything is ok.
I can't deal anymore. My nerves are shot. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could just curl up and cry. I just want Bob to hold me but I know that's not a reality. He's just a fantasy. He will never be real. Just some photographs and text messages. Story of my life. I hate my life. I'm sick of it all.
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