Hubby and I have reworked a page that I started called "My Own Little Corner of the World" which is mostly about vintage and retro stuff. It's given me a chance to explore life as it used to be in "the olden days", of a time when our grandparents and parents lived.
The submissive in me longs for that kind of life. Where the man is in charge, the woman stays home and makes him happy. It just dawned on me as we drove home from my moms today that there is a name for that kind of lifestyle and that it sort of falls under the category of alternative lifestyle as well as Fetish. I remember seeing it on Fetlife. It's called a 1950's household or a Taken-in-Hand relationship.
There's nothing really different or "fetishy" about it. It just goes back to the time when the husband was the head of the household and the woman stayed home, took care of the house, and raised the kids. Something that women today aren't really encouraged to do. If they do, they are looked down upon and made to feel like there is something wrong with them.
I am glad that women have come so far in such a short time span. But why are women who decide to stay home and take care of their families looked down on? They're made to feel guilty.
My mom always told me that you should never put too much pressure on your husband or he will either start having an affair or your marriage will end in divorce. I think, in a way, men have sort of conditioned us to feel that way as well. You feel like you're not pulling your weight or contributing to the household.
I was a stay-at-home mom for more than 10 years while my children were small. It just made more sense. Day care was too expensive. I'd hate it when people would say "oh you're just a housewife"! Have they ever spent 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week as a wife and mother!?! You have to be everything from the babysitter to referee.
Unfortunately, during that time, my (now ex-) husband was not the type of man who wanted to be head of anything, except maybe his job. He didn't want the stress or responsibility of being the man of the house. So all of that fell to me. I made sure the bills got paid, things got fixed, etc. In essence I was a single mom, only I didn't have to work outside the home.
I now am happily in a relationship with a man who believes a man is a man and he's responsible for things. Only problem is, we don't talk. I feel like I'm carrying a lot of the burdens. To me, it feels like we have drifted apart. He doesn't tell me things and I don't tell him things. I've kept my feelings to myself.
I did a little research online this afternoon and I did find a page on a Taken-In-Hand relationship. But it seems like every time I try to seek out something different as far as lifestyle goes, it just all blows up in my face. Maybe the submissive in me misses that kind of lifestyle. But no matter how much we've tried, it just seemed to make our relationship even worse. But not having any kind of direction in a relationship seems to make me just apathetic. Like I am just drifting through my life.
On my days off I am so depressed I don't even want to get dressed or do any housework. I just want to sit in front of my laptop and ignore life and engulf myself in what little entertainment I can find online.
I don't even want to broach the subject with my hubby because of the disastrous effects the last 3 times we tried it. Plus with his new job, he works early mornings and stays up all night, so by the time he gets home from work, he goes to sleep until he has to pick me up from work. I doubt he would even have the time or energy to take care of me or anything else.
As it is, he used to make sure I took my meds in the mornings, he used to make sure I was fed, etc. Now it's all up to me (not that I'm not capable of doing it). We barely see each other because either he's at work or he's asleep. By the time i get home from work and we eat dinner he falls asleep after we eat. Or I'm the one who's tired (like last night. I crawled into bed a little after 8:30pm and almost immediately fell asleep).
How can you miss something you never really had in the first place? Or maybe it's more of wanting something that I can't have. I dunno. Either way, there is something missing in my life and I don't know what it is.
I need to get up to make cigarettes. I don't want to do anything. I'm ready to go to sleep out of boredom. Tomorrow is Sunday. Different day, same shit. Nothing changes. We don't go anywhere, we don't spend any time together, nothing. And I don't even care anymore. Sad.
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