It is truly a sad thing to watch a relationship slowly fall apart and knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. All the things you once felt are gone. The relationship slowly dwindles. Neither of you have time for each other; there's always something else.
Once you realize what is happening, you slowly begin to shut down and shut out the feelings. You become numb and indifferent to what is going on.
How did this happen? How did it get to this point? Why? You ask yourself the same questions over and over. It takes two people to make a relationship to work, but only one to destroy it.
This is what I feel is happening with my relationship and I don't know how I can fix it or if I even want to bother anymore. I'm tired, mentally and emotionally. I'm depressed beyond belief. I don't really care about anything that is going on around me. I get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Same thing day after day.
He says it's not true. He says it's all in my mind. Maybe it is. But all I can do it tell how I feel and how it would look to someone who didn't know us.
Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am incapable of maintaining a "real" adult relationship. Maybe there is just too many strikes against me. Maybe I am "settling" instead of holding out for what I truly want, if I even knew what that was.
I see the same thing happening now that happened in my first marriage. There is a saying about how if it's just one person then it could be them. But if it's more than that, then maybe it is you. In other words, if someone says they don't like you or something you are doing, chances are it is just their opinion. But if a bunch of people observe the same thing, then chances are very good that it is you.
I don't know what the future holds, nor do I care. I will just go through each day doing the best that I can. It's all I can do. And I will watch this relationship either flounder and die or hope that things will change in the future for the better. My money is on the first rather than the latter.
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